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Simon Kinberg Cured, 'Fan4stic 2' Not in the Cards!!

Written by Zechs on Saturday, February 25 2017 and posted in News with Benefits

Simon Kinberg Cured, 'Fan4stic 2' Not in the Cards!!

The producer/writer/wanna-be director has been cured of his dementia of wanting a sequel to 2015's Fan4stic.

Patient X aka Simon Kinberg has been cured! The original person afflicted with the horrific contagious disease, "I want to see a sequel to 2015's Fantastic Four!!" that afflicted most of the cast save Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Bell (the last poor soul was Kate Mara showing early stages of it ).

At a press conference today, Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms of the privileged University of Proditor Judas Terror Benedictine Arnoldus located in Whynot, Mississippi, spoke to the associated press on how he finally cured Kinberg of the highly spreadable disease. "This was a hard case to deal with". Puffinbottoms told the press as he began to show various picture slides of the procedure that he used to cure Kinberg. 

"We forced the subject by watching every Fantastic Four movie for twenty-four hours, seven days a week. After a single day, the subject cracked and began screaming madly, until he lost his voice. Then when we felt it was right we slid copies of Fantastic Four run of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby under his door to make him realize the folly he and Fox had made." 

Puffinbottoms then noted that the radical procedure worked and that after a few additional days of Kinberg was left sobbing and screaming repeatedly, "HOW DID WE SCREW IT THIS MUCH UP?! HOW?! ROGER CORMAN DID A BETTER VERSION THEN US! ROGER "FUCKING" CORMAN!"  He was then released into his natural Hollywood habitat and frolicking with his fellow executives and producers. After few days studying Kinberg, and noted when asked during an interview with Collider for Logan:

I have no idea. I think the truth is we would not make another Fantastic Four movie until it was ready to be made. One of the lessons we learned on that movie is that we want to make sure we get it 100% right, because we will not get another chance with the fans.

When asked if it meant that Kinberg and Fox truly had learned their lesson, and a variant of the horrible disease could arise Puffinbottoms gave this warning. "Nature has a way sometimes of reminding Man of just how small he is. She occasionally throws up terrible offspring's of our pride and carelessness to remind us of how puny we really are in the face of a tornado, an earthquake, or a Fan4stic. The reckless ambitions of Man are often dwarfed by their dangerous consequences. For now, Fan4stic- that strangely innocent and tragic monster - has gone to earth. Whether it returns or not, or is never again seen by human eyes, the things it has taught us remain..." With that, Puffinbottoms ended the conference before stating those of the cast also afflicted with the terrible disease had already undergone the procedure and will be fully cured by March 11th.


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About the Author - Zechs

Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Moment of the Week, and Durnkin Reveewz. He's also the official whuppin boy at the Outhouse. So he'll get stuck seeing stuff that no mere mortal should ever see. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. He's also brutally honest. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.


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