Yesterday, DC unveiled the covers to many of its September offerings, many of which focus on character origins and hidden secrets. We here at the Outhouse were shocked to discover that two characters featured on the covers were posed in identical impossible poses, which feature female characters with ninety degree curves in their spines. The covers to Catwoman #0 and Green Lantern: New Guardians #0 showcase females in this excruiatingly painful pose.
Upon further research, it was discovered that both covers were drawn by Guillem March, a noted cheesecake artist who's been routinely criticized by anyone who doesn't fap to their comics.
While the Outhouse was set to run a scathing article about the anatomical impossibility of this pose, how it resembled a centaur and how Mr. March couldn't even bother to draw Catwoman's buttocks the same size, it was pointed out last evening by a medical professional that both Carol Ferris and Catwoman could be suffering from a legitimate medical symptom.
"That's the worst case of scoliosis I've ever seen," said Dr. Shu, a real doctor with a degree in medicine and everything. "Catwoman must be so brave, smiling through the pain like that."
Scoliosis is an abnormal curvature of the spine which usually causes the spine to curve to either the left or the right. However, Dr. Shu confirmed that in incredibly rare cases, the spine will actually curve out, giving the afflicted an impossibly curved back. "It's very painful," said Dr. Shu. "There's chest pains, difficulty breathing, systemic back and muscle pains. It's really great that DC chose to show their heroes overcome this affliction and still live productive lives."
Readers will be reminded that Marvel recently debuted Blue Ear, a superhero who used a special hearing aid to fight crime. While the hero has not technically been featured in any comic, he has made a splash in the hearing disabled community. DC obviously has chosen to match Marvel with two disabled heroes of its own.
We here at the Outhouse applaud DC for focusing on scoliosis in a subtle and non-self promotional manner. It takes courage to depict several prominent superheroines in this matter and then take abuse from uncaring and unsympathetic members of the comic book press. Bravo to Guillem March for spreading awareness of this crippling and awful ailment. It's good to see that no professional artist would think that a healthy human being would actually be able to pose like this on their own.
Written or Contributed by: ThanosCopter
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About the Author - ThanosCopter
ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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