To celebrate the release of The Amazing Spider-Man, Columbia Pictures will be creating a week-long series of events in New York City... which is sure to end badly.
This reporter is as excited for the release of The Amazing Spider-Man as much as anyone, but as a long time comic book reader, I know the potential for a disaster of epic proportions when I see one. Columbia is partnering with some of NYC's premier cultural institutions to bring us Spider-Man week, a seven-day calendar of events that spans all five boroughs of the city and includes a volunteer initiative that we reported on a few weeks ago. The intent is admirable, but there is one group of people that will find the event offensive and take every opportunity to screw things up: supervillains.
If there's one thing supervillains can't stand, it's when the heroes that constantly thwart their evil plans gain fame and recognition from the general public. Just recently, we've seen Doctor Octopus attempt to fool the entire world into believing he planned to fix global warming, solely as a plot to destroy Spider-Man by burning the entire world to a crisp. How will someone like Doc Ock take the news of an entire week dedicated to that blasted wall crawler? Not with good humor, we imagine.
The events will take place at such landmarks as the Empire State Building, the American Museum of Natural History, and the Intrepid Sea Air & Space Museum, all prime targets for supervillainy. We could easily see the Intrepid, a decommissioned battleship, infected with nanobots that turn the ship's dormant weapons systems against the citizens of New York. The Museum of Natural History is filled with dinosaur skeletons just waiting to be reanimated and set loose on the city. The Empire State building could be turned into a giant DNA manipulation transmitter that turns the entire population of New York into rampaging, Hulk-like monsters.
The event kicks off on Monday, June 25, with the cast of The Amazing Spider-Man appearing on the Today Show Plaza, the perfect place for an ambush by villains such as The Lizard or Paste Pot Pete, which would embarass Spider-Man on national television. On Wednesday the event at the Natural History Museum takes place at their newest exhibit, "SPIDERS ALIVE!" Can you imagine the carnage that could be wreaked on the city by giant, poisous spiders under the control of someone like Mysterio? Really, Columbia should have thought this through.
Throughout all of this, what does NYC mayor J. Jonah Jameson, long critical of Spider-Man in his former job as publisher of the city's most prestigious newspaper, the Daily Bugle? Surely he would not have approved this event, celebrating the deeds of a costumed vigilante he considers a menace. If anyone is aware of the potential harm caused whenever these costumed freaks run wild, it's Jameson, who recently lost his own wife to antics related to the webslinger.
It's not too late for Columbia Pictures and New York City to come to their senses and cancel this event, and The Outhouse urges them to do so quickly, and instead focus their resources on counter-supervillain security measures to prepare for the launch of The Amazing Spider-Man, which hits theaters on July 3. Check out http://www.spidermanweeknyc.com/ for more information on the events happening during Spider-Man Week so that you can plan appropriately to stay out of the way of Spider-Man's rogues gallery of villains.
Source: Press Release
Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror
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