British Scandal about the writer's new League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comic!
That dastardly news rag The Guardian attempted to sully Her Majesty's Royal Diamond Jubilee Hangover Weekend by releasing a slanderous article about the final chapter of Alan Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century. The article incorrectly revealed the identity of the Moonchild, an Antichrist type figure fated to bring about all sorts of nonsense and pish posh into the world.
Those who'd not like to be spoiled should kindly avert their eyes and sip on some soothing Earl Grey tea instead.
The Guardian claimed that the Antichrist's identity was none other than Harry Potter, the boy wizard who has become as much a part of British culture as association football (that's soccer for you chaps across the pond) or poor dental hygiene. The British newspaper claimed it was an attack on modern pop culture and the shift in Hollywood to rely on income generating franchises as opposed to telling actual good stories.
The story generated a slew of outrage from the British Isles. "It's an outrage!" said Lord Francis R. Poppenbottoms, the Queen's Minister of Overrated Children's Literature. "Alan Moore should be ashamed of himself. Not only is he sporting that dreadfully long beard, he's also besmirching the greatest literary character that's ever existed." When asked to comment further, Lord Poppenbottoms adjusted his monocle, pulled out an umbrella and floated away, too upset to continue the interview.
However, we here at the Outhouse, have discovered a fundamental flaw in The Guardian's article. Alan Moore, long an advocate of not using other's characters without permission, would simply never use another person's character and sully it by turning him into a psychotic mass murderer that shoots lightning out of his wee'nhappy stick (that's a British term for penis, for you uneducated Americans).
"Harry Potter?" Alan Moore is alleged to have said from his English tower of sorcery. "Why would I disparage the Boy Who Lived like that?" Moore explained that nowhere in his comic do the words Harry or Potter appear and that had he wanted to write the character, he would have course referenced the boy wizard by name.
He went on to explain that his Antichrist figure comes from an entirely different secret wizard school in England that's only accessible by train from King's Cross and that the two characters possessing scars are entirely coincidental as are the characters' general appearances and friends who resemble Ron Weasley and Hermoine Granger.
"I have nothing but the greatest respect for Harry Potter," Moore said. "We're both wizards, we both have cult followings that blindly buy our merchandise and most importantly, we've both danced with the devil and his cohort during a full moon during the spring equinox."
Of course, Moore knows full well what it's like to have his characters used without his permission. Currently, those dastardly ne'er do wells over at DC are publishing Before Watchmen, an incredibly respectful prequel of Moore's seminal work, of which Moore still receives a portion of the profits, even if he refuses to cash the checks.
It's simply absurd to believe that after all the justifiably indignant outrage that Moore has made about Before Watchmen, he would go one step further and steal someone else's intellectual property and sully it while using well known loopholes in copyright laws. To do something like that would not only be hypocritical but also patently unsporting and against the very rules of British society.
The Outhouse attempted to reach out to a real British citizen, but they were all unavailable eating biscuits or watching the telly.
Source: The Guardian
Written or Contributed by: ThanosCopter
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