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Marvel's Gay Wedding Causes Massive Homosexual Outbreak in San Francisco

Written by Jude Terror on Monday, June 25 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Marvel's Gay Wedding Causes Massive Homosexual Outbreak in San Francisco

Astonishing X-Men #51 came out just last week, but it has already caused a major increase in homosexual activity, particularly in San Francisco.

When Marvel announced that longtime X-Men character Northstar would be getting married in Astonishing X-Men #51, vigilant groups of concerned citizens like One Million Moms expressed rational fears that the fictional wedding would destroy the morality of children and ruin the sanctity of heterosexual marriage... but this reporter doubts they had any idea things would happen so quickly. Just days after the issue hit stands, homosexuals were running wild through the streets of San Francisco, celebrating what they referred to as the 2012 Astonishing X-Men Pride Weekend. The event, marked with events all over the city, even featured a parade down Market Street and a six hour long immoral party in the Civic Center district.

"I was home with my wife and kids, being a responsible, god-fearing heterosexual on Wednesday, when I accidentally read Astonishing X-Men #51," said one gentleman who asked that his name be kept confidential, an innocent victim of Marvel's corruption. "Three days later, here I am in these assless chaps, kissing boys in public. My children will probably grow up to be drug addicts" Probably? We'd say definitely.

Longtime advocates of the heterosexual right to oppress homosexuals are not surprised by this behavior. It is a well-respected theory that if homosexuals are allowed to enter legally into loving, committed relationships, he committed relationships of heterosexuals will dissolve as a result. "How can I be expected to have sex with my wife," said presidential hopeful Mitt Romney in a conversation we imagined, "when somewhere out there, a man is having a petty argument over bills with another man. It's just not right."

Though San Francisco, a typically conservative and conventional city, is the first to be influenced by Marvel's irresponsible fictional gay character marrying, it certainly won't be the last. A gay Pride event is scheduled for London, a city filled with liberals and muslims, on July 3, and some are speculating that even New York City may soon hold a Gay Pride Parade. Before things get out of control, The Outhouse asks comic book publishers: is it worth all the attention? Let's just stick to having furry mutant acrobats marry flying aliens from outer space, as God intended: where one has a penis, and the other has a vagina, or whatever sexual organ in that alien biology is equivalent to a vagina. If nothing else, let's look for inspiration at the many heterosexual relationships that are still going strong in comics, such as Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Scott Summers and Jean Grey, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, and Batman and Robin.

Marvel's Gay Wedding Causes Massive Homosexual Outbreak in San Francisco

Source: SFGate
Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror

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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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