Monday, November 24, 2014 • Midnight Edition • "We're the god damn Outhousers."

Uncanny Avengers Cover Reveals Captain America Gets Fat in Marvel NOW

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, July 05 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Uncanny Avengers Cover Reveals Captain America Gets Fat in Marvel NOW

Check out the first look at the cover to Uncanny Avengers #1, the Marvel NOW book launching in October by Rick Remender and John Cassaday!



Today, Entertainment Weekly posted the cover to October's Uncanny Avengers #1, which revealed a major plot point about the outcome of Avengers vs. X-Men: Captain America, so depressed by his fascist actions during the event, binge eats to find some semblance of happiness. Indeed, Cap appears to have put on at least thirty pounds in the cover, and with the increased metabolism afforded him by the Super Soldier Serum, a known performance enhancer, he must have been eating a lot to gain so much so quickly. Perhaps the story will involve Cap finally getting in touch with the true spirit of America, and along with morbid obesity he will finally open up a MySpace account and start watching Nascar.

Comic book fans are no strangers to the perils of obesity. This reporter weighs 800 pounds, and needs to be lifted out of bed by a small crane and placed at my computer desk so I can write snarky articles about comics on the internet, an activity that, shockingly, has not helped me to lose weight. Regardless, we expect our comic books to represent more idealized superheroes in peak physical condition, and, in the case of female superheroes, with big boobies. Hopefully Captain America can get his life back on track and stop reminding us of our own pathetic shortcomings, and go back to kidnapping children and exterminating all mutants.

Cover is posted below. 


Uncanny Avengers Cover Reveals Captain America Gets Fat in Marvel NOW

Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror

Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:




Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:


About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!