Idyllic high schoolers to meet Fox television stars. Will comics ever be the same?
Source: USA Today
Archie and his gang of high schoolers have long been the standard for fictional high schoolers for much of the last century. However, recently a new group of singing high schoolers have taken pop culture by storm and turned Archie's gang of high school friends into socially irrelevent shadows of their once-prominent selves. As Glee, the award winning show on Fox, has gained a legion of fans and hardcore followers, Archie and his friends have been relegated to crossovers with the likes of Kiss and the Punisher.
That all changes this fall in Archie vs. Glee, a violent, blood-filled deathmatch of two of America's most iconic groups of high schoolers. "Archie and his pals are sick of having their thunder stolen by Glee," said Jon Goldwater in a made up interview. "We have gay relationships! We have interracial marriages! We even had a TV special back in the 80s. It's time to take the crown back from these auto-tuned crooners with poor dance moves and an irreverence towards character development and character continuity."
Goldwater explained that Archie's crossovers with the Punisher and Kiss would have a deep significance to the miniseries' plot. "Frank Castle and Gene Simmons taught Archie and his friends a lot about sex, drugs, violence and singing," he explained. "Now, Archie's gang can compete with New Directions on their own turf. And if they lose...well, let's say there's a AK-47 with Rachel Berry's name on it."
With both Archie and Glee making splashes in the worlds of gay relationships in their respective mediums as well as showing unprecedented amounts of diversity, Goldwater promised that there'd be plenty of relationship drama in addition to the violence and gore we've come to expect from an Archie comic. "No Archie story would be complete without at least a little bit of drama," he said. "Expect every girl of Glee to want to jump Archie's bones, which of course will spin-off into more comics featuring Archie marrying every last one of them, both seperately and together in a communal love cult."
The crossover may have other applications for Archie, which, while a sales juggernaut, has trouble gaining traction in the coveted "fat shut-in" demographic of traditional superhero comic readers. Glee Creator Ryan Murphy is somewhat famous for his aggressive approach to marketing the show, accussing anyone who doesn't like it of being pro-bullying and against music programs in schools. Murphy, who has no regard for copyright laws, started a public slapfight with rockers Dave Grohl and the Kings of Leon back in January when he said ""F--k you, Kings of Leon. They're self-centered assholes and they missed the big picture," because the Kings didn't want Murphy to use one of their songs on the show. In a preemptive publicity statement Murphy has cooked up for Archie Comics, comics fans who skip the series will be told to "suck Ryan's d--k," and "tongue his hairy white a--hole" or at least that's what we're expecting him to say. Many comics fans may dispute Murphy's message, pointing out that Murphy is "bald" and Nip-Tuck was "an awful show that appealed only to sexual deviants."
Of course, this announcement ensures that both Marvel and DC will seperately announce their own unrelated crossovers with television shows, not at all hoping to capitalize on Archie's smart marketing and bold storytelling ideas. Expect to see Archie Meets Glee hit newsstands sometime this fall.
Written or Contributed by: ThanosCopter
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