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Brian Wood to Write Star Wars, Plans to Ignore Prequels

Written by ThanosCopter on Tuesday, July 10 2012 and posted in News with Benefits

Brian Wood to Write Star Wars, Plans to Ignore Prequels

Alex Ross will be illustrating covers.

Source: io9

io9 broke the news today that Brian Wood would be writing a new Star Wars comic set during the original movies.  Even more important is the fact that there are no plans to mention, allude to or acknowledge the existance of the Star Wars prequels, a set of three heinous films which forced George Lucas to flee the country in order to avoid being tried for crimes against humanity.

"We're trying very had to keep everything fresh — as if Episode IV had just come out in theaters," said Randy Stradley, Dark Horse's Star Wars editor.  "Mainly because the Prequels suck a lot of ass," he also added in a whisper unhearable to anyone besides this reporter.  He added that the comics would be printed with a special ink that would cause the entire run to self destruct should Jar Jar Binks ever be mentioned or seen anywhere in the comic series.

Stradley promised that there would be no attempts to digitally alter or enhance the comics in twenty years.  "We're not idiots," Stradley whispered.  "We don't want to be hated by all the nerds in the world." 

As if to reinforce Dark Horse's decision to not stray from the original source material, Alex Ross will be providing covers for the comic.  "If it's younger than thirty-five years old," he said in a fabricated quote.  "It's shit.  I'm proud to provide covers for a comic that actually understands this."

Fanboys across the universe rejoiced upon hearing the news.  "Finally," said Dr. Jack Starlin, "Someone can join me in my delusions that Lucas died upon completing Return of the Jedi and never tried to sell his soul for more money."


Written or Contributed by: ThanosCopter


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About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


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