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SDCC: CBR Fears Outhouse, Won't Let Us On Yacht

Written by Jude Terror on Sunday, July 15 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
SDCC: CBR Fears Outhouse, Won't Let Us On Yacht

Not only did ComicBookResources scrub all traces of an Outhouse link from their forums today, but they never let our reporters on their yacht at Comic Con either.

Controversy erupted on message boards across the internet this weekend when it was officially confirmed that inappropriately beloved teen character Stephanie Brown was to be replaced in the Smallville digital comic by known tramp and charlatan Barbara Gordon. Stephanie, who has been the subject of illicit fanboy desires for over a decade, was to appear in the comic as Nightwing, lifting the hearts of the dozens of the character's fans who had been clamoring for her appearance in the DCnU, where she has been thus far shunned.

The snubbing of the character in exchange for the former "cripple" was the final straw for many fanboys and alleged fangirls, who have viewed the slighting of Stephanie as a personal affront toward fans and part of some larger conspiracy or vendetta against Stephanie and other nubile teen characters such as Cassandra Cain perpetrated by DC's glorious leader Dan Didio and other shadowy executives who clearly have something against the love grown men have for young teenage girls.

In fact, an organized group of Stephanie Brown fans known as Passionate Enthusiasts Dedicated Only to Stephanie, or P.E.D.O.S., recently started a campaign called Waffles for Stephanie, in which fans were encouraged to mail waffles to Dan Didio at the DC offices in order to show their support of the beleaguered teen. The questionable content of the waffle batter has not been verified, but this reporter would advise Dan Didio and other DC executives to avoid eating them.

Today, a concerned British teen known only as "Twigglet" who posts at several internet comics forums, including The Outhouse, engaged fans of Stephanie in a thread on CBR's forums, expressing his concern for their well being after noticing their collective overreaction at the Smallville snubbing. Twigglet was immediately met with accusations of trolling, specifically "concern trolling," as if his legitimate  attempts to help fans get over their pain and suffering at the lack of a Stephanie comic was somehow a performance designed to rile them up, which this reporter can say, knowing Twigglet very well, is an unfounded and unfair allegation. Twigglet's concern was not only genuine, but well warranted, as CBR posters soon admitted that the treatment of Stephanie would sooner or later lead to fan suicide.

Outhouse posters on the Outhouse forums noticed Twigglet's social activism and commented in the Outhouse's own thread about Stephanie, cheering on his valid and helpful attempt to improve the lives of obsessed Stephanie fans. Shortly thereafter, a CBR poster noticed the Outhouse thread and posted a link on the CBR forums. Before The Outhouse could reap many sweet, sweet unique hits, however, CBR moderators deleted the link, as well as any trace of a reference to the Outhouse, a clear example of what is known in the Internet Comics Community as "MAWD ABUSE."

This reporter cannot help but feel slighted by this discourteous refusal to share the wealth of unique hits, of which CBR has no shortage. To add insult to injury, CBR never responded to this reporters pleas prior to San Diego Comic Con to allow The Outhouse's reporters to tag along on CBR's yacht, despite a clear and generous offer of handjobs and warm beer in return.

In fact, as sweet, sweet unique hits are the lifeblood of The Outhouse, these actions can only be viewed as an attempt to KILL THE OUTHOUSE, crushing it beneath the iron boot heel of corporate backing and fluff journalism. The Outhouse, however, will not be bullied, and aims to continue to strive to provide a unique voice in the internet comics community, one that does not grade comics reviews on a scale of 4-and-a-half to 5 stars in return for an unlimited supply of exclusive interviews and content from an incestuous relationship with major comics publishers.

Jonah Weiland could not be reached for comment yesterday, though there were unconfirmed reports that a man matching his description was seen in the con parking lot swearing and shaking his fist at a toy helicopter with the word "Thanos" roughly scrawled across it in wax crayon. There is also absolutely no evidence to back up claims that Weiland is intimdated by Outhouse poster The Nacireman's profound heterosxuality.

The Outhouse, however, is not one to hold a grudge. So what if our reporters drank fortified wine out of a paper bag in the cold alley behind the convention center while CBR staff lounged comfortably on a luxious yacht, sipping martinis out of fine crystal? There is enough room in the Internet Comics Community for all of us, CBR. It's been a long weekend and we're all pretty tired. We still love you, baby. Let's just put all this behind us, become friends again, and please, if you see our reporters sleeping in a dumpster behind the con tonight, give them a few bucks for bus fare, okay? We appreciate it.

Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror

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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!