Friday, November 24, 2017 • Morning Edition • "At least we're not Bleeding Cool!"

Biel Out, Khodchenkova In as Viper in The Wolverine?

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, July 19 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Biel Out, Khodchenkova In as Viper in The Wolverine?

In Soviet Russia, Khodchenkova Viper You!

Source: AICN

Comrades, it appears that Sventlana Khodchenkova may be playing role of Viper in upcoming American Hollywood film, The Wolverine. Khodchenkova replaces American harlot, Jessica Biel, whose mild looks and inferior acting skills pale in comparison to great Russian beauty Svetlana. Fox must have been disappointed when Biel turned down role of Viper in Wolverine sequel, but everyone in movie business understands desire to go into deep isolation with nice bottle of vodka after Total Recall remake, sure to be worse disaster than Chernobyl, hits movie theaters in few weeks.

Khodchenkova is fine replacement, however. Resume is sturdy, like Berlin Wall, and beauty is almost as vast as Siberian expanse. To catch even single glimpse of Khodchenkova's beauty, we would gladly put on babooshkas and Soviet emblem fur hats and wait out in bitter Russian cold for days and days, just like ancestors did in Patriotic War of 1812 when Napoleon and weakling French army failed to capture glorious Russian motherland. Simply speaking, her acting is untouchable, much like 1980 Soviet hockey team, and her addition to cast would make movie true world power.

Svetlana is not yet confirmed for role, but she can not say "Da!" soon enough for us, and surely such news would be welcome by unworthy Cossacks everywhere! At this point, decision not to go with Khodchenkova for role would be as foolish as decision of Admiral Kolshak to side against October revolution, and Fox studio executives should meet same fate in front of firing squad if this news does not pan out.

Stay tuned to Outhouse for further developments.

Biel Out, Khodchenkova In as Viper in The Wolverine?

Biel Out, Khodchenkova In as Viper in The Wolverine?

Biel Out, Khodchenkova In as Viper in The Wolverine?

Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror

Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

More articles from Jude Terror
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!