Wednesday, January 24, 2018 • Morning Edition • "Because comics!"

Dan Slott to Put Spider-Man Out of Misery in This is War!

Written by Jude Terror on Thursday, June 28 2012 and posted in News with Benefits
Dan Slott to Put Spider-Man Out of Misery in This is War!

Another Marvel "This is War" teaser hit the net this morning, this one involving the Amazing Spider-Man!

Marvel has finally decided to end Dan Slott's victimized run on Spider-Man with a bang, as a new teaser shows the character being shot point blank range in an act of mercy. While the setting is not known, we're presuming that Spider-Man is behind Joe Quesada's toolshed, out of view of the Marvel honcho's impresionable children.

The following is a dramatization: "I'm so, so, sorry," Quesada said in between tears.  "When I took away your marriage, I thought it was for your own good.  I never meant for this to happen." Quesada then proceded to tell Spider-Man that he was the best character he ever ruined.

This is not the first Spider-Man that Quesada and his ilk have killed.  Marvel previously killed off an alternate version of Spider-Man in the incredibly misleading Death of Spider-Man storyline. Quesada did not outright deny that this new evidence is proof of the theory that he is actually a member of a dimension-hopping cadre of supervillains hellbent on eradicating the wall crawler from the multiverse. In fact, there has never been any proof offered whatsoever that Quesada was not behind the sabotage that nearly cost the lives of several actors involved in the abysmal Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark musical, and the fact that Quesada was never accused of this in the first place is, frankly, no excuse.

When asked why they were killing off another Spider-Man, a Marvel representative explained that the character had a fatal disease of Slottitis, with symptoms such as garish costumes, incessant babbling to cover up shoddy art and an overreliance of a poorly thought out catchphrase such as "No one starves!"  When asked if Slottitis was curable, Dr. Herard Tour de Spider said, "absolutely not.  Once someone is infected, they're never the same. Better to kill him and remember him through naked drawings of his ex-wife."

The death will take place in Ultron/Recokoning/Boston War, the upcoming Marvel super-mega-crossover event that will be spoiled on Bleeding Cool the week before the Amazing Spider-Man panel at San Diego Comic Con. 

Dan Slott to Put Spider-Man Out of Misery in This is War!

Source: Press Release
Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror

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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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