Thursday, November 27, 2014 • Morning Edition • "Exclusive! Exclusive! Hggulghhlgghhlghhlghh!"

Satire

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In Wake of Mt. Gox Fiasco, Comic Book Speculators Better Off Than Bitcoin Traders

In Wake of Mt. Gox Fiasco, Comic Book Speculators Better Off Than Bitcoin Traders

As bitcoin prices fall, comic book prices rise, proving that comics have always been the smarter investment.

Eastman and Laird Return to TMNT as 30 Year Anniversary Makes Everyone Feel Old as Hell

Eastman and Laird Return to TMNT as 30 Year Anniversary Makes Everyone Feel Old as Hell

Fans are excited for the reunion of the original creative team, but feeling somewhat melancholy thanks to the reminder of their own pending mortality.

Arizona Mutants Thrilled To No Longer Have To Serve Flatscans

Arizona Mutants Thrilled To No Longer Have To Serve Flatscans

A new law would make it legal for mutant run businesses to refuse to serve humans.

Producers Unable to Locate Hayden Panetteire for Heroes Reunion

Producers Unable to Locate Hayden Panetteire for Heroes Reunion

No one has seen the tiny actress in months, causing friends and family to believe she may have shrunk to subatomic levels.

Marvel Exec Destitute After Taking Reboot Frenzy Too Far

Marvel Exec Destitute After Taking Reboot Frenzy Too Far

Marvel Editor in Chief Axel Alonso is deeply in debt after applying the principles Marvel's constant reboot schedule to his personal life.

In response to Guardians of the Galaxy trailer Sony Releases the Entirety of Amazing Spider-Man 2 This Afternoon on MTV

In response to Guardians of the Galaxy trailer Sony Releases the Entirety of Amazing Spider-Man 2 This Afternoon on MTV

The Outhouse's Sony Pictures The Amazing Spider-Man 2's beat writer Jeff Kromer reports from the press conference.

Top Shelf Introduces New DRM-Free Digital GN Model; Dozens of Puppies Die Instantly

Top Shelf Introduces New DRM-Free Digital GN Model; Dozens of Puppies Die Instantly

Digital comics strike again, leaving nothing but death and destruction in their wake.

WWE TV Negotiations Stall After NBCUniversal Figures Out Wrestling is Fake

WWE TV Negotiations Stall After NBCUniversal Figures Out Wrestling is Fake

Raw and Smackdown may be off the USA Network and Syfy if the companies can't agree to new terms.


Gal Gadot Now Officially Too Buff to Play Wonder Woman

Gal Gadot Now Officially Too Buff to Play Wonder Woman

The actress has been hitting the weights too hard, changing sexist fan complaints from "not buff enough" to "way too buff."

Valentines Day Turns Ugly When Man Admits Preference for Wolverine Over Cyclops

Valentines Day Turns Ugly When Man Admits Preference for Wolverine Over Cyclops

One unlucky couple will be spending the holiday alone thanks to a disagreement over comic books.

Man Prepared to Spend Sexy Valentines Day With Zenescope Comic Book

Man Prepared to Spend Sexy Valentines Day With Zenescope Comic Book

The man has planned an extravagant date for his lover, a copy of Clash of Queens #1 from Zenescope Entertainment.

One Million Moms Announce Facebook Boycott On Facebook Page

One Million Moms Announce Facebook Boycott On Facebook Page

In, what we assume will eventually happen, One Million Moms announced on their Facebook page today that they will be boycotting Facebook in light of Facebook’s new gender options.

Misogynist Comments Claim Elizabeth Olson Not Attractive Enough for Scarlet Witch Costume

Misogynist Comments Claim Elizabeth Olson Not Attractive Enough for Scarlet Witch Costume

Continuing the trend of questioning the "hotness" of any woman cast in a superhero movie, new comments suggest the Avengers: Age of Ultron actress can't pull off the classic Scarlet Witch costume.

Scott Snyder Spoils Identity of New Nightwing in DC All Access Video

Scott Snyder Spoils Identity of New Nightwing in DC All Access Video

The Batman scribe revealed that the new Nightwing will be none other than Comics Alliance blogger Chris Sims.

Tens of Thousands of Readers Spontaneously Decide to Stop Reading Comics

Tens of Thousands of Readers Spontaneously Decide to Stop Reading Comics

Batman was the only book to sell over 90,000 copies in January.

Racists Angered as Marvel Casts Black Actor as Heimdall... AGAIN!

Racists Angered as Marvel Casts Black Actor as Heimdall... AGAIN!

NBA star Chris Bosh will voice Heimdall on an upcoming episode of Marvel's Hulk: Agents of S.M.A.S.H.!

Image Planning New Cooking Comic, Recipes Look Pretty Gross

Image Planning New Cooking Comic, Recipes Look Pretty Gross

While we applaud the effort to branch out into new genres, Image should maybe take a cooking class or two first.

Marvel Studios Shocker: Shia Labeouf Joins The Marvel Movieverse In a Surprise Role

Marvel Studios Shocker: Shia Labeouf Joins The Marvel Movieverse In a Surprise Role

"Star's" Bizarre Antics of Late Have Been In Preparation For His Latest Role.

Pope Francis Shocks World By Endorsing New Ms. Marvel Comic

Pope Francis Shocks World By Endorsing New Ms. Marvel Comic

The new Muslim superhero is making a lot of waves thanks to an endorsement from the leader of the Catholic Church.

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