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7/22/09 -- Chappy's Blue Plate Specials -- le spoils!!

I'm going to admit now...this was a thoroughly disappointing lunch break. 2 of the 3 books you're about to see reviewed left me...less than enthused. Thank God for Immortal Weapons...on with the Blue Plates!

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Appetizer:

hulk600.jpgIncredible Hulk #600
OK, even I can't justify this nonsense anymore. WTF Loeb? ENOUGH of this Rulk cock-tease...nobody cares anymore. We STILL don't learn his identity, we get more nonsensical plot twists and plot holes wide enough to drive both Hulks through, more smart characters acting like idiots, more outright silliness, and more art that tries its best to redeem the book but ultimately just can't do it.

Ben Urich is approached by She-Hulk who warns him of the Red Hulk and the mystery behind him. They, along with Peter Parker, go to Gamma Base to investigate. They meet up with their "inside man", Doc Samson, who reveals he's been brainwashed and then "Hulks out" into evil Samson. Yes, that's right...evil Samson. Groan. They then find out M.O.D.O.K. (yes, the big-headed one himself shows up and I still didn't like this book) and A.I.M. did the brainwashing of Len and apparently Gen. Ross, and ran this whole conspiracy from the end of WW Hulk until now to create gamma-powered super-soldiers. Bear with me, folks, it just gets dumber. Len and She-Hulk start to fight revealing their position, and Red Hulk appears out of nowhere to grab Urich, he's then stopped momentarily by Spider-Man (yeah, nice job not figuring out that secret ID, Ben), until a captured Banner (when did that happen? end of last issue? I don't remember that at all...) wakes up, Hulks out and red and green fight. Red then uses his energy absorbing power to steal all of green's gamma energy and declares "Bruce Banner will never become the Hulk again." So why did he never do this before? Argh. Anyway, they also set off some kind of self-destruct thingie, Spidey webs Ben out of there, Red keeps Shulkie and Len for some unknown reason, and A-Bomb (oh yeah, he's there too) shields Banner's body from the blast. We later see Red threaten Ben and Ben kills the story. Utter ridiculousness and we STILL aren't given Red's identity (although I still maintain it's the Abomination).   

The back-ups are equally retarded and/or boring, except of course for the cutesy Red/Green/Blue Hulk Giarusso strips. They're fun.

McGuinness's art is great as usual, but it can't rescue this turd from being a turd. With Bruce depowered and joining his kid Skaar in Incredible, and with this book continuing and focusing solely on Rulk for a while, I have now officially lost ALL interest in all things Hulk until a massive status quo change occurs. Color me done; hated it.

 


Entree:

lo3w5.jpgLegion of 3 Worlds #5
And the continuity porn finally comes to a close. Here are your highlights: Time Trapper is revealed/theorized to be a sentient alternate timeline/dimension rebelling against "our" Legion's actual timeline, thus explaining its different origins and identities throughout the years. Multiple Legions all join together to fight young Prime in one place, Mordru and the LoSV in another, while primary Big 3 and Supes, Kid Flash and Superboy fight older version of Prime/Time trapper at Vanishing Point. Some minor alternate Legionnaires die, I can't be half-assed to care which ones. The White Witch makes a sacrifice to stop Mordu, turning herself into Black Witch. Brainy hatches great plan to bring 2 Primes together, the little whiner bitches about turning into an old whiner, punches his future self, causing semi-retarded timeloop or some such which sends him back to Earth Prime and his parents, as Earth-Prime was re-created during Final Crisis. Or some such nonsense. Sodam Yat decides to restart the GL Corps in the future. The Legions expound upon which Earths they're from and return there, Prime is shown on his world still being a terrible, terrible character, and Superman surprises the Titans/Teen Titans with Bart and Conner's return. The end. Thank God.

You Legion fans will probably love it. I thought it was garbage. But damn, Perez is still a freaking god among mortals. It's gorgeous, and there's a 2-page spread in the middle of Legionnaires which even I had to stop and just gaze at. Beautiful stuff. But on the whole, hated it.

 


Dessert:

immortalweapons1.jpgImmortal Weapons #1
Ah, thank you Jason Aaron, for cleansing my lunchtime palate with this morsel of goodness. We get the origin of Fat Cobra, which is equal parts funny, heartbreaking, action-packed, and introspective. We learn his humble beginnings, his trials and tribulations (his study of kung fu is like a mish-mash of Kung Fu Panda and Iron Fist's origin, but it's the stuff that goes on around this study that is most fascinating -- I loved that he taught Elvis kung fu), his conquests and dalliances, and the heart-rending actions which spurred him to finally become a good enough fighter to be an Immortal Weapon. The story is fantastic and the art, from all the artists involved, is beautiful.

In the back-up, we see what Danny's up to, as he has to help one of his students at the kung fu school, a little girl whose dad he and Luke put in jail several years ago. It's short and not seemingly too "important" yet, but it has potential to be a nice little tale. Easily the best art I've seen from Foreman yet too. I loved it.

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