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So I Finally Saw.. Death Wish 3 (1985)

This time Zechs gets his greatest wish, in reviewing Death Wish 3 (1985) IN ALL ITS UNCUT R-RATED GLORY!

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I'm a lover of movies; in fact, I love all kinds of movies. Amongst them all, action movies especially are my passion. However, I also do enjoy sci-fi, drama, comedy, and horror. As for romance? Eh, if the babe is hot it might be deemed possibly watchable for me. Though even then, that so did not help me when I watched The English Patient (1996). Otherwise, I rather watch Batman & Robin (1997) for 24 hours straight than see a cheesy romance flick. Still, I cannot see every movie known to man when they come out, or only hear good stuff about them. Therefore, I'll put my behind down and review the flick. Enter this column, where I finally state was the movie truly worth the price of viewing or not.


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No this isn't really a cheat from me, since I never did see the uncut true R-rated version of this film. Though, I always wanted too. Honestly, I never really appreciated this or Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry films until I got older. Whenever these movies would come on a late night (mostly on WGN), I quickly turn the channel. Oh have the times have changed with me when some time ago American Movie Classic decided to air ALL the Death Wish movies for an entire week, then an entire day.  Now I can’t get my fill with it. When Wal-Mart had this and a few other Death Wish movies for five dollars. How can I say no to that?

Death Wish 3 (1985) pretty much is Paul Kersey arriving in Brooklyn, NY to find the neighborhood of his now late friend who called him to be a haven for scum and great villainy. While there he finds a cop (Ed Lauter) who pretty much feels Kersey’s way of vigilante justice will be the only means in cleaning out the crime of the area.  So unlike the previous or future, in this Kersey has no police in stopping him. Wackiness and a whole lot of dead criminals ensue. That pretty much sums up the entire plot of the movie save for the subplots of Kersey meeting the kind good folk of the neighborhood and trying to put the moves on a hot female lawyer.  

Of the five Death Wish movies, this particular entry and the fifth are probably the closest to a pure 80s action film (yeah the fourth also follows it to a degree, but it more or less follows the path of the second Death Wish movie with Paul Kersey just utterly trying to fill as much bullets to pass the empty void in his heart). Thus the rules of a classic 80s action film are here. Kersey  can never have true happiness. The villain in this is an unholy bastard. Hospitals are a death sentence. Bad guys once fighting good guy have the IQ of a peanut. Bad guys can’t shoot worth a damn. Awesome deaths to main villains. Classic one-liners. Pipes or tire irons materialize out of nowhere. I could just go on of the rules but you get the idea. If you enjoy these rules you’ll be right at home here.

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Does this film have flaws? It does, so much that it’s nearly as much of the bullets fired by Bronson. Do they really matter? I say it didn’t for me. To those who are about to say, “But..” well I raise my hand to cut any of you off and retort. This is the third film in a series called Death Wish after the previous entry, honestly you really think the people behind this film where trying to make an Oscar contender and for film critics to go gaga over it? HECK NO! They were making an enjoyable movie that now is starting to get the recognition it rightly deserves.  This is the kind of movie to be enjoyed with friends who love the same type of movie thus drinking games can be started from it.

For me, this is the type of film if you’ve had a bad day at work or at home. You pop this into the VHS or DVD player and BAM your day just got a little brighter. What cannot be as fun then Charles Bronson doing what he does best in movies in blowing the hell out of bad guys. The scene with him vs. the Giggler alone just brings so much joy to me. Oh and speaking of the Giggler, he just rules. I mean the dude’s name is the Giggler who just laughs off anyone who cannot catch him when he enacts an evil act.

Plus there are other reasons why guys will love this movie. You get to see a young ( and topless) Councilor Troi from Star Trek: the Next Generation and Bill S. Preston (Alex Winter) have a not so excellent adventure when meeting Mr. Bronson. Plus can I just say that Ed Lauter is bad ass in this film? He's probably the greatest not top name or cyborg cop of them all. Then there's the finale of course just watching the good community go up against the bad is special on its own.

bronson2.jpgThen there’s Charles Bronson proving in a rare example that there are times you shouldn’t ever cross senior citizens. But then again it’s Charles Bronson, you just don’t cross him period no matter how old he is. But if you do? Well get ready to eat a bullet or die very violently. Because Charles Bronson will find you. The man is a hawk. He will keep hunting you down until you are dead. Wait I know what you’re thinking, "What if I kill Bronson?" and to that yes Bronson cannot die. Nothing can stop the man, save for the smell of steamed cabbage or chicken.   Other than that, I strongly suggest just go visit the undertaker and to make Bronson's job all the more easier.

I know Death Wish 3 isn’t a movie for all. Though if you’re an action lover then this movie is must watch. Just sit down and enjoy the anarchy it provides. Just soak up the idiocy and revel in it. I personally just adore seeing Ed Lauter and Bronson go to town in shooting the crap out of bad guys who can’t shoot worth a damn back at them. So yeah you can call me crazy and insane for what score I deliver upon this movie.  I don’t care. I enjoy fun movies, and if it provides the goods then it deserves the score I give it.  


 5 out of 5

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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Character Spotlight, and Cartoon Reviews. He's also an aspiring comic book writer trying to get some of his works published on the Outhouse. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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