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Cleaning the Plate for 6/9/10 - Spoilers

secretsix22-a.jpgA very special review of Grant Morrison's Batman #700 opens up this weeks Plate. {nomultithumb}



Batman #700batman700.jpg
Seven hundred has come and gone. Little feet run amok. Frogs blow their horns with rabbles of great disdain, but night escalates to its cascading finale ever forward and never in reverse. Two dollar bills leap over the rainbow. Distinct traffic that never lets up but never goes anywhere either. Shirley McClain, we hardly knew you, or you, or you. Cheaters never prosper unless victims of a mahogany table with white linen. Don't laugh at me; the joke is in your pants. Cry me rivers of semen for my children are playing in the sun. Safe, safe at third base! Transitions me damned, let them eat fortified fruit snacks! Happily ever after could exist if not for those pesky mosquitoes. Softly I wept until the furnace kicked on, then I pissed my pants until the lemonade was made for my Grand Ma Ma and I. Take care not to exit to the right or the little bird with the red wings may confiscate your sanity. Oops, I did it again. Have I said too much, or does this dress make me look fat. Is red the color of rage, love, or a really good time? Fly away until the sand gets stuck in the crack of your ass cause then the baby is ready for a spanking. The big one that got away seems to want to come back and play. Should I stay or should I go, I think I should give the big one a great big blow. Terrific, now my jaw hurts, but that's what I get for drinking the milk through my nose. Oh lonely one, should you live another day we all hope that your cufflinks will come out to play. Time for dinner and so I sit with my bag of scones and a bad case of turrets. Sing me to sleep after the loving, cause I've just died and gone to heaven.

So there you have it folks, and don't ask me to fill in the blanks. If you can't figure out what I'm trying to say it's obvious that you are rather less intelligent and should probably stick to Garfield. Now pass me that syringe and let's move on to the next book, shall we? My Score: D-


Titans #24titans24.jpg
Dear Lord why haven't you put this book out of its misery yet? This has made it two years and in that time I don't think it has actually told one complete story that anyone has cared about. Now the powers that be have decided since the actual Titans have all gone their own way (mostly forward except for Beast Boy who seems to be taking several steps back in character development but let's not get me started on that), we must now believe that the new group is lead by Slade Wilson and are a bunch of hired assassins. I don't have a problem with the concept itself, but why in the hell would you use an already running title that has focused on such a legendary group of heroes and do such a huge one eighty? Give them their own book! Deathstroke leads his team to kill Lex Luthor but he's really working with Lex to figure out which employee is actually trying to kill Lex. Okay... so...? It already seems that there's no real focus here, just random villains thrown together because they didn't want to cancel a title that should have died a long time ago. Even the enjoyable art of Fiorentino can't save the mess. This is like an Anti-Morrison book. It actually has a plot and STILL doesn't make sense. My Score: E


Justice League: Generation Lost #3jla-generationlost3.jpg
Last week I reviewed DC's other bi-weekly series and felt a bit let down at how linear the story already felt. I'm happy to say that I didn't feel that here at all. The old League continues to feel the effects of Max's planet wide mind-wipe as Fire is chased away by her old team Checkmate, but not before Mr. Lord manipulates her into severely burning a guard. The rest battle the OMACs at the home of the new Blue Beetle who is able to chase them away with the help of the scarab. The question of who used Ted Kord's old emergency signal is a great little mystery and the reintroduction of Rocket Red was a nice way to end the issue. Winick and Giffen together seem to work well. I haven't enjoyed any Justice League book as much as this one in a while. I just hope they can keep up this pace as well as the delicate blend of action, adventure, mystery and just a small touch of the banter that made this team one of the greatest Justice League teams in comic book history. My Score: B


Secret Six #22secretsix22.jpg
This is going to be a blanket statement that some may argue is totally wrong, but here it goes. THIS is the BEST Catman story ever written! Gail Simone pulls out all the stops for this riveting finale in a series that has never let me down. Catman's decision at the end, though perhaps not unpredictable, is still heartbreaking. Gail has found the voices of all these characters that make them the most realistic comic book characters that DC has.  And though this story does belong to Thomas Blake, the others are in no way ignored, with Black Alice and Ragman having their moment to shine as well. Calafiore's art is a perfect fit to this book that is able to juggle melodrama, black comedy, and heart wrenching moments like a skilled carpenter building a mansion worth its weight in gold. I buy this book monthly and the trades as well. The only two other series I've ever done that with is Birds of Prey and Manhunter. I highly recommend this series to even the most jaded D.C. reader. My Score: A-


The Outsiders #30outsiders30.jpg
This is the Anti-Secret Six. Everything that is done right for the last book is what is so wrong with this one. A plot that is aimless as well as pointless with characterization of a few characters that goes totally against everything that was built up before Mr. Didio stepped up to the plate. Geo Force and Owlman being the main two problems here. Suddenly Owlman, who up until this issue has been written more as a Batman clone, has suddenly become the comic relief guy while King Brion has basically gone insane (or become a George W. clone). The story centers on a group known for working on the outside of the law is now world famous for being outlaws because of its ties with New Krypton, a storyline that is already over. Tan's art is serviceable enough, but this book is dangerously close to Titans bad. My Score: D+


Avengers Academy #1avengersacademy1.jpg
I'm not sure about these characters to be honest. I know nothing about the new ones, but it's great to see Hank, Justice, and Tigra again. It's been awhile since I've had a chance to read about the last two Avengers I mentioned. The kids seem serviceable enough and the twist at the end was kind of cool. Art was serviceable enough, but nothing that jumped out at me either. I'm going to give this book a few more issues before I make up my mind, but this first issue didn't really impress me in any way that was special. My Score: C+


Thanks folks. Next week there will be no Cleaning the Plate as I shall be in Florida with my family of the Lord of the Monkey's. Be back in 2 folks!



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