Monday, February 8, 2016 • Afternoon Edition • "Outhouser?! We barely know her!"

Satire

Did you bother to look at the tags before assuming this crazy story was straight news?
In Sneak Censorship Attack, Outhouse to Unleash Army of Mini-Werthams on Unsuspecting Comics Industry

In Sneak Censorship Attack, Outhouse to Unleash Army of Mini-Werthams on Unsuspecting Comics Industry

None shall stand against the awesome might of The Outhouse's ultimate weapon!

Even Superheroes Wear A Winter Coat Sometimes, Says Mom.

Even Superheroes Wear A Winter Coat Sometimes, Says Mom.

The totally lame mom had no idea what she was talking about. Geez, come on!

Marvel Confirms 'Sexy Halloween Costume' Avengers Officially In Continuity.

Marvel Confirms 'Sexy Halloween Costume' Avengers Officially In Continuity.

Marvel Editor-In-Chief Axel Alonso confirmed the sexy news at a joint press conference with media partner Party City.

State of Emergency Declared as CBR Convention Blimp Breaks Free, Drifts Wildly Ahead of Locust Moon Comics Fest

State of Emergency Declared as CBR Convention Blimp Breaks Free, Drifts Wildly Ahead of Locust Moon Comics Fest

The popular website caused a huge commotion when their promotional vehicle became untethered and drifted across Pennsylvania.

Scientists Warn Nation Facing Critical Shortage of Deadpool and Harley Quinn Cosplayers.

Scientists Warn Nation Facing Critical Shortage of Deadpool and Harley Quinn Cosplayers.

A new report reveals that if measures aren't taken now to reduce consumption, the planet could be completely out of Deadpool and Harley Quinn by 2020.

REPORT: Marvel and China to Team Up to Create Actual Chinese Superhero

REPORT: Marvel and China to Team Up to Create Actual Chinese Superhero

Reports that the company would create comics for the Chinese market were vastly underestimating their plans.

Supergirl star Melissa Benoist: Jeb Bush is extremely attractive and I love him.

Supergirl star Melissa Benoist: Jeb Bush is extremely attractive and I love him.

*Sponsored Content* This article is brought to you by Jeb2016.com. #AllInForJeb #BushToTheThirdPower #3TimeChampions *Sponsored Content*

DC Rebooting Superman Again?!

DC Rebooting Superman Again?!

According to reports from the world's leading astrophysicists, the reboot is expected to occur on November 14th.

Controversial Retailer Dennis Barger Jr. in Financial Dire Straights Over Action Figure Snafu

Controversial Retailer Dennis Barger Jr. in Financial Dire Straights Over Action Figure Snafu

Learn how you can help everyone's favorite industry blowhard escape certain doom by buying some variant covers on eBay.

Friend Who Brought Very Complicated Board Game Ready to Take This Party to Next Level.

Friend Who Brought Very Complicated Board Game Ready to Take This Party to Next Level.

As of 5 am this morning, the wild party-goers were still going strong after having almost finished reading the instructions.

Animal Rights Activists to Protest Opening of New Pokémon Gym.

Animal Rights Activists to Protest Opening of New Pokémon Gym.

Why do you have to catch them all? Let these beautiful creatures be free.

School Bully Who Just Watched 'Back to the Future' Can't Wait to Use New Insults.

School Bully Who Just Watched 'Back to the Future' Can't Wait to Use New Insults.

Calling the film series 'an inspiration' to what bullying can be, the mean seventh grader can't wait to try out many of the classic insults he learned on dweebs, nerds, and losers at school tomorrow.

Racist Star Wars Fan Club Has Surprisingly Successful First Meeting.

Racist Star Wars Fan Club Has Surprisingly Successful First Meeting.

The group aims to combine their two main passions: a love for the rich tapestry of Star Wars films and an irrational hatred of all minorities.

REPORT: Even Most Racists Can't Take Ridiculous #BoycottStarWars Hashtag Seriously

REPORT: Even Most Racists Can't Take Ridiculous #BoycottStarWars Hashtag Seriously

A new social movement claiming the new Star Wars movie is anti-white propaganda is simply too idiotic, even for idiots.

REPORT: Unpaid Intern Regrets Not Including More Characters in Star Wars: Force Awakens Poster

REPORT: Unpaid Intern Regrets Not Including More Characters in Star Wars: Force Awakens Poster

If only there were a precedent for adding characters to Star Wars in post-production...

Irving Forbush, Rest In Peace

Irving Forbush, Rest In Peace

The Outhouse says goodbye to Marvel's number one fan.

NYCC: Grisly Discovery at Javits Center as Construction Crew Uncovers Remains of 'Maintaining Professional Standards in Reporting' Panel.

NYCC: Grisly Discovery at Javits Center as Construction Crew Uncovers Remains of 'Maintaining Professional Standards in Reporting' Panel.

Reported missing back in 2010, the panel of comic journalists had been scheduled to speak about the importance of citing sources and fact-checking rumors. While police have several suspects, no arrests have been made at this time.

"Unforeseeable Issues" Led to Comic Book Delay, Says Creator Who Spent the Last Eight Hours Arguing on Twitter.

Calling it 'just one of those things that happen' the famous comic book writer regretfully informed fans that the next issue of his series would be delayed yet again.


Earth-3 Bernie Sanders Readies Undead Army for Invasion.

Earth-3 Bernie Sanders Readies Undead Army for Invasion.

Having located the hiding place of Earth-2 Bernie Sanders using a dimensional triangulator, Earth-3's Lord Bernibus of House Sand vowed to bring death and destruction to those who would provide shelter to his mortal foe.

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