Thursday, May 5, 2016 • Midnight Edition • "For when you've got nowhere else to go."

Satire

Did you bother to look at the tags before assuming this crazy story was straight news?

Earth-3 Bernie Sanders Readies Undead Army for Invasion.

Earth-3 Bernie Sanders Readies Undead Army for Invasion.

Having located the hiding place of Earth-2 Bernie Sanders using a dimensional triangulator, Earth-3's Lord Bernibus of House Sand vowed to bring death and destruction to those who would provide shelter to his mortal foe.

Earth-2 Bernie Sanders Touts Record of Accomplishment on Parallel Earth.

Earth-2 Bernie Sanders Touts Record of Accomplishment on Parallel Earth.

With a strong platform of economic reform, stronger action against banks, and protection of the time-stream from multiverse invaders, the candidate's message resonated strongly with voters concerned about incursions from other dimensions.

Avant-Garde Comic Book Letterer Only Uses Wing Dings

Avant-Garde Comic Book Letterer Only Uses Wing Dings

Rejecting mainstream commercial values the edgy artist insists that each word balloon is a 'unique experience' that should breach the reader's traditional media consumption.

Post-NYCC: Very Tired Outhousers Staff Hoping Nothing Interesting Happens Today.

Post-NYCC: Very Tired Outhousers Staff Hoping Nothing Interesting Happens Today.

After four days of Eisner-deserving journalism, the Outhousers staff hopes no one bothers them about anything comic-book related for at least 24 hours.

NYCC: Final Day of Con Begins with Spontaneous Polar Bear Swim in Hudson River

NYCC: Final Day of Con Begins with Spontaneous Polar Bear Swim in Hudson River

As the early morning sun dawned across the Hudson River several hundred cosplayers, creators, and journalists came together to strip to their skivvies and hurl themselves off the pier behind the Javits Center.

NYCC: Marvel Studios' Parents Worried Studio Going Through Yet Another Phase.

NYCC: Marvel Studios' Parents Worried Studio Going Through Yet Another Phase.

Mr. and Mrs. Marvel Studios were disappointed to learn their child, Marvel Studios was apparently going through 'yet another phase' instead of going to dental school like they had hoped.

Comic Retailer Announces 'Read You the Last Page over the Phone' Program To Win Back Readers.

Comic Retailer Announces 'Read You the Last Page over the Phone' Program To Win Back Readers.

Accepting the difficulty of trying to compete with Bleeding Cool, retailer SNIKT! Comics will now call customers direct on Tuesday evenings to spoil the endings of all weekly purchases.

LexCorp to Provide WiFi at NYCC; Can't Be Worse Than Verizon, Comcast, or Time Warner

LexCorp to Provide WiFi at NYCC; Can't Be Worse Than Verizon, Comcast, or Time Warner

Trusting our secure communications to a global conglomerate with nefarious motives? What could possibly go wrong?!

REPORT: Close Friends of Jared Leto Really Wish He Would Knock Off the Joker Crap

REPORT: Close Friends of Jared Leto Really Wish He Would Knock Off the Joker Crap

The actor played the Joker day and night for six months during Suicide Squad filming, and he hasn't stopped since!

Frank Miller to Write Easter Bunny: Year One!?!

Frank Miller to Write Easter Bunny: Year One!?!

In news that might be fake but almost sounds true enough that you aren’t sure if we’re making it up, legendary author Frank Miller has announced his next mini-series will chronicle the origins of a classic German Folklore symbol.

Newsarama Writer Fired After Only Coming up With Nine Things.

Newsarama Writer Fired After Only Coming up With Nine Things.

The disgraced comic book journalist was let go after failing to come up with ten picks for his listicle “10 Totally Awesome Robots That Also Fight Crime.”


Comic Industry Professionals to Be Kept Behind Safety Glass at New York City Comic Con.

Comic Industry Professionals to Be Kept Behind Safety Glass at New York City Comic Con.

Following several incidents of biting and inappropriate behavior, ReedPOP is implementing a series of new measures aimed at reducing risk. Fans are reminded not to bring food into signing areas and to refrain from tapping on glass.

Rumored Watchmen HBO TV Series to Feature Graphic Sex Scene of Alan Moore Literally Getting Screwed

Rumored Watchmen HBO TV Series to Feature Graphic Sex Scene of Alan Moore Literally Getting Screwed

The show will mark a new milestone for the comic book industry in screwing Alan Moore.

Comic Creators Split on Whether to Charge Fans for Back Rubs

Comic Creators Split on Whether to Charge Fans for Back Rubs

Should comic creators charge fans for back rubs? While many decry the practice others say that charging is needed to help cover the cost of hot stones and sensual oils.

An Impassioned Plea for Sanity in the Ongoing Discussion of Comic Book Autograph Fees

An Impassioned Plea for Sanity in the Ongoing Discussion of Comic Book Autograph Fees

Does it matter whether creators charge thirty dollars for autographs when the real victims are suffering?

Gods Reportedly Angered as Image Announces End of Variant Cover Program

Gods Reportedly Angered as Image Announces End of Variant Cover Program

A report from the Baltimore Diamond Retailers Summit brings portents of doom for the ailing comics industry.

REPORT: Secret Wars So Late, Will Now Be Released in Dimension Where Time and Space are Meaningless

REPORT: Secret Wars So Late, Will Now Be Released in Dimension Where Time and Space are Meaningless

The comic will come out today, last week, and ten thousand years from now, simultaneously.

Snake God Glycon Starting to Regret Choosing Alan Moore as Spokesman.

Snake God Glycon Starting to Regret Choosing Alan Moore as Spokesman.

The ancient and mysterious deity had a litany of complaints regarding Moore's role as spokesperson for Glycon worship including poor shaving habits, a declining work output, and a tendency to attack potential converts as 'emotionally subnormal' deviants.

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!