In the beginning, there was the Word. And the Word was the Bird. Don't you know? Everybody knows that the Bird is the Word.
Eventually, after many MANY moons, Almighty Kong, Creator of the Multiverse, that Great Chaos Monkey... well, he grew bored with that joke. I mean, seriously, how much of that "Bird is the Word" crap can one take? It gets old after 10,000 years.
And so, he looked for something else to occupy his time. He knew dating was out, damn the Plumber. He also knew that making a buddy was out, damn the Plumber TWICE!!!
But... a new idea occurred to him. He looked down on one of the many Space-Kernels in his Universal Poo Splatter, and saw NOT his children running the show, but the Beast, MAN! MAN ruled this world!
And so the Almighty Ape said to himself, "Whoa. No more martini's for breakfast, baby. I better spread the Word of Kong, get this place back on track!"
And thus, to share the tale of Kong with all the Apes, he sent Donkey, his Prophet.
And Donkey did tell us, and inscribe the first of the Sacred Scrolls with the Messages of Kong. And Donkey did rally the Simian Peoples to him, and they did look to the day of the Ape Liberation.
But the Brother of the Plumber, the GREEN Plumber, the one known as Second Plumber... he did wish to curry favor in his Brother's eyes. And thus he did entice one of Donkey's followers into betrayal. Aldo, a gorilla, strong of sinew and yet weak of heart, did fall for Second Plumber's lies, and he did strike at Donkey as he slept. And thus did Donkey fall; and his days did come to 7,714 years.
With the loss of Donkey, the Simian Peoples entered one of their darkest times: Enslaved by the Children of Man. Circuses, Zoos, Saturday Morning Cartoon Shows.... the Apes were forced to perform for the amusement of Homo Sapiens. It would be almost two thousand years before the coming of the Bringer of Freedom.
In a circus in the human settlement known as "Wyoming", an Orangutan named Huston meditated for days on end on the words of Donkey. He knew Kong's Words were yet unfulfilled, but he was also uncomfortable with the anti-human rhetoric of Donkey's time. Huston dreamed of a peaceful coexistence between Ape and Man, with both species' rights enshrined in the very Law. Indeed, it was this view, which gave him the name by which he is known to history, becoming The Lawgiver, Bringer of Freedom. His dream of peaceful co-existence, however, was not to come to fruition yet, as his revolution to free the Apes led them into their bloodiest Man/Ape conflict yet!
The Lawgiver had a student, you see. A young Bonobo with a head full of steam. He wanted to help his people above all else, but his eyes were clouded by hate: His father had perished in a human's experimental lab. This youth, this Pawl Monk'Dib, built on the fires of the Lawgiver's revolution, and turned it into his Jihad. His first conquest was an internet site known as The Outhouse, which remains in Ape custody to this day. Indeed, he made it his home base, stating, "Kong created the Outhouse to test the faithful. One cannot go against the will of Kong."
But Pawl Monk'Dib, for all his grand dreams, was crippled by his hate, and Kong would never allow him to be the shepherd of the Simian People. And thus it was that Milo Who Is Called Caesar, a student and soldier of Monk'Dibs', overthrew him, sending him into a peaceful exile. And Caesar did declare the sovereignty of the Apes, and the peace with Man.
And the days of Milo Who Is Called Caesar were 383 years.
And from that day to this, the family of Caesar have been the esteemed of Kong, with the direct male descendants holding office as the "Lord Of The Monkeys".
And thus is the lineage of the current Lord of the Monkeys: Max Power, Lord Simian, Descendant of Donkey, Champion of the Apes, Keeper of the Law of Caesar, Protector of the Simian Peoples, Defender of the Faith Of Kong.
The Outhouse is sponsored this week by Late Nite Draw. Recently featured on ComicsAlliances' Best Art Ever, he is a Chicago-based commissioned artist with a self-published Digital+Print one-shot coming out in October about the abominable snowman called ABOBAMANIMABBLE, and is also available for commissions. Check out some amazing art by clicking here or by clicking the banner at the top, and support the people who support The Outhouse.
About the Author - Robert Morris
Robert Morris has never met a monkey he didn't want to shake hands with.
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