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Man in Coma since 1999 Shocked To Learn That People Still Care About the Power Rangers

Written by GHERU on Thursday, December 08 2016 and posted in Features

Man in Coma since 1999 Shocked To Learn That People Still Care About the Power Rangers

Needless to say Mr. Dennison was "repulsed" to learn of the upcoming movie.


Lifelong Newport News, Virginia resident Tom J. Dennison is still recovering after waking up from a coma he had been in since August of 1999 when a pile of discarded solid waste refuse from a passing passenger jet hit him in the head. Ever since he woke up his friends and family have tried to ease his way back into "real life" after missing 17 years of pop culture. It is not difficult to image just how difficult it would be for someone to acclimate themselves to world almost 2 decades further along than last you knew. Just imagine how disgusted Mr. Dennison was upon learning that the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers one of the - according to Dennison - "Biggest piles of horse manure to ever get dumped on us. And I know from having shit dumped on you*," was not only still "a thing" but was getting another movie. Denison learned this when he saw this on

A new image from the upcoming Power Rangers reboot has been unveiled, giving us a fuller look at Elizabeth Banks' villain Rita Repulsa in the context of the film. The previous Rita images were more concept art-focused or quick shots in the trailer, so this is really our first great look at the character as she'll appear in the frame. Earth to Echo filmmaker Dean Israelite directs the Lionsgate redo, and while the trailer teased a very strong Chronicle vibe with gritty visuals and mopey teenagers, the inclusion of Rita Repulsa complicates matters a bit.



"Again with the Power Rangers? What the ... hey, wait, who are you?"

"Oh, sorry, yea." The Outhousers replied, "Jude's gone."

Dennison: What do you mean; "gone?" Is he dead.

OH: Might as well be. Just move on, we have.

Dennison: Fair enough. I never liked him anyways.

After shaking it off and remembering just where he was in his rant, Mr. Dennison went on to state that the Power Rangers sucked, that they always sucked, and that they always will suck.

The only good thing about the Power Rangers was the accidental totally racism, sexism, and any other ism imaginable that made up that first line-up.

"Just look at this official synopsis from Collider:"

SABAN'S POWER RANGERS follows five ordinary teens who must become something extraordinary when they learn that their small town of Angel Grove – and the world – is on the verge of being obliterated by an alien threat. Chosen by destiny, our heroes quickly discover they are the only ones who can save the planet. But to do so, they will have to overcome their real-life issues and before it's too late, band together as the Power Rangers.

"If that doesn't make your eyes bleed I don't know what will!"

Just as we were about to leave Mr. Dennison to his misery he spoke up:

Dennison: Hey, wait, new guy.

OH: Yea?

Dennison: No one ever tells me anything important. It's always stuff like this. I've been awake long enough and I am a grown man who can take it.

OH: What are you asking?

Dennison: What's been going on with The United States? Any wars? Who's been President?

OH: Ummm (looks for a mature adult to take over.)

Dennison: Dude, come on!

OH: OK, so George Bush the 2nd won the election in 2000.  Terrorists attacked us the following September (9/11 if you've heard the term) and we've basically been at war with someone in the Middle East ever since. Bush was President until 2008 when Barack Obama won.

Dennison: What kind of name is that?

OH: Kenyan by way of Hawaii, Indonesia, and Kansas. Or something like that.

Dennison: White guy?

OH: Oh, no; First Black guy! His final term is just now rapping up.

Dennison: Who is next?

OH: A business-man endorsed by the Klan, The American Nazi Party, and other white supremacist organizations.

Dennison: ...

OH: Oh, and its Donald Trump

Dennison: ...

OH: Hey, you asked.

Dennison: I'd like to go back to my coma now.

OH: That's the dream

Here are some previously released images, if you are into that sort of thing.



power-rangers-black-ranger-poster-mastodon(all images are from Collider)

*The Outhousers do not endorse any of Mr. Dennison's opinions regarding the Power Rangers no matter how right he is.


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About the Author - GHERU

RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).


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