Fans of Marvel's Thor were excited today to learn that Disney is planning something big for the release of Thor 2: The Dark World. From a recent blog post on the Disney Parks website, The Outhouse has learned that visitors to California's Disneyland theme park and resort will have an opportunity this fall to meet Thor face to face in a promotion for the movie.
In celebration of “Thor: The Dark World” coming to theaters November 8, guests at Disneyland park will be able to visit Asgard this fall and come face-to-face with the Mighty Avenger, Thor.
The company did something similar for Iron Man 3 over the summer. While this might appear, on the surface, to be pretty damn cool, a closer examination reveals that this simple amusement park attraction may have unfortunate repercussions on the comics community, maybe even the world! We spoke to some of the staff and community members of The Outhose to find out what all this fuss was about.
"Dammit!" said Jude Terror (that's me), Outhouse webmaster and ace reporter. "It was bad enough when Thor was shirtless in the first movie. My wife couldn't stop giggling for a month, for chrissakes. Do you know how that makes me feel?"
"And now she can meet him in person?!" Terror added, freaking out. "What is Disney trying to do to my family?!"
Terror wasn't the only Outhouser feeling the heat radiating from the bulging pectoral muscles of the hunky Asgardian beefcake.
"Oh no!" said Jeremy Shane, Outhouse writer who lives (in sin) with his (more well-liked) fellow Outhouse reporter, Angela Jones. "Disneyland is right down the street from us. Don't let Angela see this article! I can't compete with Thor!"
It's too late, my follically-challenged friend. The pining and swooning over the divine dreamboat isn't confined to just women, either. The menfolk on The Outhouse forums had some choice comments for the god of thunder as well.
"I'd like to grab his hammer tightly," commented one Outhouser, Chicanery, when asked for comment. "If I'm worthy."
"I would offer to hold his hammer for him too," added Psivage, another. "While he goes to the bathroom."
Alright, guys, we get it:
Doesn't anyone have anything to say about this that isn't about his hammer?!
"I would take him to the back side of Volstagg and show him my rainbow bridge," said Outhouse founder John Lewis Hawk. We have no idea what it means, but it doesn't sound very nice.
Obviously, this is a major problem, one that should definitely be raising a red flag, and not in your pants. Thor is just too sexy to exist in real life. People just can't control themselves around him. He should remain only in the movies, where the boundaries between fantasy and reality are as clearly defined as his abdominal muscles.
It's not too late to avert this disaster, Disney. Change your plans before somebody ends up... oh, screw it. If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em.
I'm just gonna leave this here...