Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Dan Didio sat in his office late Wednesday night, his bald brow furled with sweat. He stared anxiously at his computer screen and then back to a large whiteboard filled with scribbles and frenzied calculations. "This week has been a terrible one for me," Didio admitted as he hastily scratched out something on a piece of paper. "I've barely gotten any sleep."
What's the cause of Didio's consternation? It's Fantasy Football season, and Didio has isolated himself from the world until he's perfected his draft strategy.
"Yeah, I told my secretary to hold all my calls this week," Didio told the Outhouse after he called on us for draft advice. "And I threw out my cell phone after JH Williams kept leaving me voice mail messages, so that it wouldn't distract me. I haven't heard from a single creator or editor in days."
"This year's team is incredibly hard to sort through," Didio admitted. "Should I pick Arian Foster or Marshawn Lynch? Will Larry Fitzgerald have a rebound year? These questions have been eating at me for days now. I can't concentrate on anything else."
When asked why he was so focused on getting his fantasy team right this year, Didio's face darkened. "DC's annual fantasy football league," he said. "I came in second last year, right under some stupid intern. He's just been rubbing it in all year. I will not let Vlad Kozinkerov beat me again. There's money on the line here!"
However, Kozinkerov might have an unbeatable strategy of his own. "They say, 'Vlad, go draft football players,' So that what I do," said Kozinkerov, a 19 year old unpaid intern. "I sent last year's winnings to my family back in Russia. They used it to give my sister lifesaving surgery. I tell Mr. Didio all the time, 'You save my sister by losing in football league! Thank you so much!' He never seem happy about it, though."
Didio seemed unconcerned with abandoning his DC responsibilities for so long. "Listen, my editors and creators can go a couple of days without me," he said. "My team knows not to rock the boat during fantasy football season, so I doubt anyone will have walked off their projects while I'm gone. Now, help me out here: Is Aaron Hernandez worth a late round pick?"
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ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
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