Thursday, June 21, 2018 • Evening Edition • "72 slogans - collect 'em all!"

Today is George R. R. Martin's Birthday

Written by ThanosCopter on Friday, September 20 2013 and posted in News with Benefits

Today is George R. R. Martin's Birthday

The author plans to celebrate with a large feast and the shocking murder of his rivals.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Today is George R. R. Martin's 65th birthday.  The writer, best known for his A Song of Ice and Fire series and its television adaptation Game of Thrones, plans to celebrate his birthday with a lavish feast held at his castle estate in New Mexico.

"It will be a wonderful feast," Martin said, while sitting in his throne room.  "We've brought in chefs to prepare roast turkey with perfectly golden skin, three entire roast pigs, freshly boiled lobster with blood red shells, perfectly grilled asparagus, finely whipped mashed potatoes, pies of apple, pear, pumpkin and peach all cooled by a late summer's breeze, a casket of ale, aged pear brandy, bread from the finest bakeries, a hearty stew with potatos, corn, beans and bits of cow flank, and salad for the vegetarians."  

Included on the guest list for the party were popular fantasy writers and rivals Brandon Sanderson, Michael Sullivan, Terry Goodkind, Joe Abercrombie and Neil Gaiman, as well as a number of other people whom have slighted Martin over the years.  

"I'm really excited for the feast," said Julie Russo, a hairdresser whom once cut Martin's hair too short.  "I hear Mr. Martin throws killer parties."  

"Indeed, that I do," said Martin as servants brought in a number of crossbows and torture devices.  He turned to one servant pushing in a large torture rack.  "Make sure that thing's large enough for Gaiman.  And make sure my special knife is clean.  You know the one with the curve, that I use for..." 

Remembering he was still being interviewed, Martin cut himself off.  "Please understand, New Mexico doesn't have any real laws against killing guests in your own home.  You have to take advantage of these things." 

"You'll have to excuse me," he said, finishing the interview early.  "I have a lot of preparations to make.  You'd be surprised how hard it is to teach a bunch of mercenaries how to play instruments." 

We wish Mr. Martin the best and hope for many more birthdays in years to come.


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - ThanosCopter

ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.


More articles from ThanosCopter
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!