Freddy Prinze Jr. has had a pretty good career since first bursting on the scene with roles in Nineties teen movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer. From roles in films like Scooby Doo and TV shows like 24, to his stint as writer, director, and on-screen guest star in World Wrestling Entertainment, various voiceover jobs for cartoons and video games, and now his rumored casting in Star Wars: Rebels, the thirty-seven year old actor has entertained millions of fans across a wide variety of genres. For one jealous and angry fan, however, Prinze's accomplishments are less of a career and more of a serious of grievous, personal offenses that have finally reached a breaking point.
"Fuck Freddy Prinze Jr.!" said one dedicated fan of geek entertainment, Larry Peck, from behind the counter at the local Cinnabon where he works as an assistant manager. "Who the hell does that guy think he is?"
What's got Peck so pissed?
"Freddy Prinze Jr. is the same age as me, you know," Peck explained as we took advantage of some Minibon samples on the counter. "What's so great about him that he gets a role in a highly anticipate live action Star Wars TV series, while I'm stuck working at this hellhole?"
Peck glared at some customers, an older woman waiting in line with her grandson. Startled, the pair turned around and walked out of the store. Peck mimed an offensive hand gesture behind their backs.
"When I was in college, I had, like, the biggest crush on Sarah Michelle Gellar in Buffy the Vampire Slayer." he went on. "That douchebag is married to her, you know that? He married Buffy. She should have been mine!"
We think she made the right choice.
"I mean, he's not a great actor," Peck complained. "He's not terrible or anything, but he's nothing special. So why is he living my dreams? Why?!"
But for sixty pounds, a charismatic personality, the slightest bit of ambition, a little follow-through, and some luck, Peck could easily be in Prinze's shoes.
"He was in fucking Wing Commander, for chrissakes! Do you know how many hours I spent playing those games? It should have been me in that role when they made it into a movie!" Peck whined. "But even that isn't enough for this guy. He stars in the games themselves. I mean, Mass Effect 3?! Are you fucking kidding me? That was the best Mass Effect!"
Peck seemed rather distraught, and he appeared to be sweating more profusely than we were comfortable with for a person with whom we might conduct a business transaction involving pastries. We quickly decided that we wouldn't be purchasing the Caramel Pecanbon we'd had our eye on.
"He wrestled in a match with Randy Orton in the WWE." Peck slammed his moist fists on the glass counter. "Robot Chicken. Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo 2! That fucking Kim Possible TV movie!"
"If I can't have Buffy, Kim Possible would totally be my second choice!" Peck was irate. "I mean, when she grew up, you know? And if she was real. Augh!"
"And now this fucking Star Wars shit!" Peck yelled, spittle spraying from his lips in the general vicinity of the helpless 'bons. "What the fuck?! Share the wealth, bro! You don't need to get all the prime geek roles! Leave something for the rest of us!"
It's unknown what role Prinze will play in the upcoming Star Wars series, Star Wars: Rebels, but he is rumored to currently be in talks with Disney to star in the show. At this point, Peck was nearly in tears. He took a minute to compose himself.
"I work my ass off under these heat lamps for six, seven hours a day, but you don't see me with three Teen Choice awards and multiple nominations," Peck pouted. "Give me two and half minutes with Rachel Leigh Cook and I could win Choice Chemistry for Sexiest Love Scene too."
"It's just not fair," Peck finished. "It's not fair."
At press time, Peck was happily enjoying a recurring daydream where Prinze and Gellar happen to visit Cinnabon and Gellar's hand lingers meaningfully on Peck's as he serves her an extra large Mochalatta Chill iced coffee beverage with extra whipped cream.