It was only a short, post-credits cameo on Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night, but A-list actor Samuel L. Jackson is reportedly having trouble adjusting back to his life as a member of the Hollywood elite after appearing on the lowly television show. Despite Jackson's role reprising his Avengers character, S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury being technically set in the Marvel cinematic universe, appearing on a medium as pedestrian "teevee" is considered a major social faux pas in the movie star community, and even a star of Jackson's caliber isn't immune to its bourgeois stench.
"Motherfucker," Jackson told The Outhouse in an exclusive imaginary interview. "I motherfuckin knew I should have never done that motherfuckin TV show."
Jackson, star of acclaimed films such as The Avengers, the Star Wars franchise, and Pulp Fiction, went on to explain that he had reservations about doing the show because of the adverse effects it could have on his career, but he figured he could get away with such a short appearance on a high profile show. Attributing his foolishness to "being cocky after getting away with starring in a movie directed by Joss Whedon," it didn't take Jackson long to figure it out he had made a mistake, as fellow stars began suddenly treating him differently.
"It's like they can smell it on you," Jackson theorized, recounting a run-in with fellow A-lister Bruce Willis at Starbucks earlier this morning. "Bruce was happy to see me at me first, but when we shook hands, I swear I caught that motherfucker sniffing my damn collar. He made this face like he smelled a rotten egg and then he kind of backed away from me."
When we left the esteemed actor, he told us he planned try and remove the scent of television by bathing in a mixture of 3% hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and liquid dish detergent, which he read in "a motherfucking book" was a popular home remedy for deskunking a dog.