Fanboys the world over reacted with tears of joy to the news that the infrared camera on the Xbox One is powerful so powerful that it was able to transmit images of players’ privates. One such online reveler, Slappy, provided some context regarding this mindset:
Years ago I was happy to hear that there were x-ray machines at airports that would show people – maybe even a girl – my dick, but then I realized that would mean leaving my mom’s basement and actually going to an airport. Now, I can order an Xbox One from Amazon (Prime, mother fuckers!) and have something in my room that shows the world – maybe even some girls – what I have to offer, and it can showcase my action figure collection proudly displayed along my back wall.
Responding to Slappy’s post was another Xbox One fan, JamesCorrigan, had this to say:
I spend all day on the internet talking about how best to impress women, and what they want to see in a man, and with my wide range of research (no actual lab data) I am convinced that this news will bring in a rush of women into the tech field, especially Xbox’s customer service / NSA wing. Seriously, women love to look at my dick! The Kinect sensor is the best thing to happen to female gamers since Dr. Mario.
While rational people read this story and began having questions regarding privacy, Xbox troglodytes realized that if the camera could find their dicks, it would have no problem with the, heretofore unseen, real life human females breasts.
Yes, you read that right, the Xbox One might be able to see tits.
And with that, the Xbox One just won the console war.