This morning, nutjob religious organizations, hate groups, and comic book websites (but I repeat myself) the world over received an open letter from Flash Rouge The Weather Wizard, wherein the super villain spells out just how much it pisses him off that people are always blaming others for what is, obviously, his work. The email is presented below verbatim:
Stop it. Just stop it. I am the one who broke the levies. I am the one who flooded the Philippines. I am the one who sent those tornadoes to Illinois. In other words: I am the one who knocks….your buildings down.
Do you think this is easy? Do you? Do you think it is simple to raise the temperature of the ocean fast enough to cause a tsunami? Do you have any idea how long it took me to figure out a way to destroy the levies in New Orleans? El Nino – that was me! If not for The Weather Wizard, Al Roker would jsut be some (formally) fat guy laughing at stupid jokes on network TV. But, who do you all give the credit to / blame: the gays!
Now, I have nothing against gays per se, I hate them as much as I hate the rest of humanity. Why do I hate humanity you may ask? Well, for one you are always blaming innocent people for the hard work of me and my fellow Rouges!
Have you ever seen the pictures of an area after I got done with it? It's messy and ugly – not exactly Queer Eye For The Stright Guy, is it? But, somehow, you come to the conclusion that God would punish an entire state (and 6 others) just because they decided to allow gays to marry each other. I’m a super villain and even I am not as petty as your God appears to be. I mean really, if this were true, dude would be the biggest douchebag in history…well, after that fuck-face Darkseid – who thinks he is God.
You know what the worst part of this whole thing is? The crap I get from The Pied Piper! Every time I drown a small island nation he is the one the media calls for interviews. He is the one sitting down with FOX News correspondents talking about my work just because he is gay and they want the ratings. How is that fair?
I am The Weather Wizard and it is my wrath and my rod (no homo) you should worry about, and if you continue to blame homosexuals, Jews, blacks, gypsies, or whoever for what I do there will be a reckoning!
The Weather Wizard
Well, there you have it. Stong words from The Weather Wizard. We can only hope that the world takes notcie before even more damage is done.