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How DC Stole Detective Comics

How DC Stole Detective Comics

With massive apologies to Dr. Seuss



Source: Subscription Sadness For Detective Comics #27

Every Fan
Down in basements
Like Batman a lot.

But Darth Didio
With his head up his ass
Did not.

Didio hated comics! The whole damn industry
No one is sure why, it's just his tendency.
It has been said that his brain was incomplete,
It has been said that his soul was obsolete.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his Dick* was two sizes too small.

(*Grayson, that is. Come on, this is a children's poem!)

Yes,
You understand the truth.
The Grinch is real.
Hating the fanboys is pretty much his whole deal,
And who could blame him?
Anyone who's met one would join in.
But worse, they take to the net and spread the word:
Darth Didio, The Dinch, is a turd

"And they are expecting their comics," he said, with a sneer.
"Detective Comics #27 is what they hold dear."
Then he smiled, for he had an idea
For he is a dictator (just think "North Korea")
Because, now he knew…

…All the fangirls and boys,
Would pay out the nose for this book with this ploy.
"So, then, let's screw them all!' he sang to Jim Lee.
"Subscribers shall not get the comic they desire... Now back on your knees"

Then word was sent out, through the mail (the slow kind)
Hoping no one would mind
That an $8 book
(You read that right, 800 cents, the comic took)
Would not come to subscribers homes, here, take a look:

 

You See!
He did something you won't like at all.
To subscribers he said,"Find a store, maybe the mall.
For you will not receive your issue this month
It is too expensive, and we don't like you that much."

Then the fans, young and old (but mostly old), would sit down to tweet.
And they'd tweet! And they'd tweet!
And they'd TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!
They would tweet #FIREDIDIO, and "old DC's neat,"
Which was something the Dinch couldn't stand in the least!
My editor replied "It's a BS double standard!"
"Green Lantern anyone?" he demanded an answer.

I cannot continue with this tale.
My head hurts from too much ale.
If you think this was not hard,
You go ahead and try to be a bard.

But, the story is (mostly) true.
Would we lie to you?
In a parody Christmas poem written by a Jew?
Subscribers will be screwed, of this we are sure.
For Bleeding Cool's tales are always secure

Now, don't get all wary, little Mary Lou Fan,
I will answer your query as best as I can.
We know at the Outhouse how to end this encounter
That's right, sound the alarms, and reset the counter!





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About the Author - GHERU


RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).

 


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