The United Nations unanimously moved to strike the acronym "LOL" from the human language after comic writer Scott Lobdell used the initials to describe his fans. While "LOL" has traditionally been associated with the phrase, "laugh out loud", the comic writer introduced an alternative meaning to the abbreviation this morning in an interview with Newsarama, which he described his fanbase as "LOLs", or Lovers of Lobdell. Unsurprisingly, the international community swiftly responded to this perversion of the popular abbreviation.
"No....just no," said UN Secretariat Ban Ki-moon, speaking at a press conference outside of the United Nations headquarters in New York. "Genocide, gross violations of human rights, illegal annexations of soveriegn nations, these are all things that the UN can stomach. But this is something we just can't sit idly by and watch."
Ki-moon then announced that "LOL" would be banned from all communication, spoken, written or otherwise. Governments around the world then ordered cell phone companies and internet service providers to strike the phrase from the Internet. If someone attempts to use the phrase via internet chat or text message, a large picture of a frowning Ban Ki-moon will instead pop up, shaking his head and silently judging you. The UN also stated that repeat offenders would be shipped off to a reeducation camp in Antarctica, where they'd be forced to read quality comics featuring fleshed out characters of both genders as punishment.
"While we understand this may seem like an extreme move," explained Ki-moon, "We simply can't have anyone think that there are actually people who enjoy Scott Lobdell's writing." When asked if the UN planned to enact mass bans on other internet acronyms, Ki-moon stated that they'd kill anything that could be used to erroneously imply that Lobdell had a fanbase.
Unfortunately, the press conference then erupted into disarray when Lobdell suddenly rushed to the stage and grabbed the microphone. "You Obviously are a Lobdell Optimist!" he shouted into the microphone. "YOLO!" When security attempted to apprehend him, he jumped into the crowd and continued to rattle off perverse versions of popular internet initials. "Lobdell, my appealing obstrician! LMAO! Adore Scotty Lobdell! ASL!"
As Lobdell was dragged away, Ki-moon collapsed to his knees and started weeping. "We'll have to ban all the Internet acronyms," he was last heard muttering. "Lobdell's ruined it all."
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