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David Goyer Thinks Only Virgins Know Who Martian Manhunter Is, Considers She-Hulk to Be a "Giant Green Porn Star"

David Goyer Thinks Only Virgins Know Who Martian Manhunter Is, Considers She-Hulk to Be a

This is the man writing the Man of Steel sequel!



Source: ScriptNotes via The Mary Sue

David Goyer is the screenwriter behind the Dark Knight Trilogy, the Blade movies, Man of Steel and its upcoming sequel, Man of Steel: This Time We Wreck Four Cities.  And according to a new podcast he appeared on, he's a bit of a moron too. 

Goyer appeared on an episode of Scriptnotes, in which hosts Jon August and Craig Mazin interviewed a panel of screenwriters in front of a live audience.  Over the course of the panel, Mazin and August discussed superheroes with the screenwriters, which led to an extended conversation about She-Hulk, among others.  Here's a transcription of the conversation, courtesy of The Mary Sue's Alan Kistler:

Craig Mazin: The real name for She-Hulk was Slut-Hulk. That was the whole point. Let’s just make this green chick with enormous boobs. And she’s Hulk strong but not Hulk massive, right? … She’s real lean, stringy…

David S. Goyer: She’s still pretty chunky. She was like Chyna from the WWE.

Mazin: The whole point of She-Hulk was just to appeal sexistly to ten-year-old boys. Worked on me.

Goyer: I have a theory about She-Hulk. Which was created by a man, right? And at the time in particular I think 95% of comic book readers were men and certainly almost all of the comic book writers were men. So the Hulk was this classic male power fantasy. It’s like, most of the people reading comic books were these people like me who were just these little kids getting the shit kicked out of them every day… And so then they created She-Huk, right? Who was still smart… I think She-Hulk is the chick that you could fuck if you were Hulk, you know what I’m saying? … She-Hulk was the extension of the male power fantasy. So it’s like if I’m going to be this geek who becomes the Hulk then let’s create a giant green porn star that only the Hulk could fuck. 

I guess I should point out that Marvel's only tried to hook the Hulk up with She-Hulk once, in a really bad 2000 annual in which the Hulk forgot that She-Hulk is HIS FIRST COUSIN. Besides that shameful single issue, She-Hulk's generally been portrayed as one of Marvel's strongest and most well-rounded female characters, with mutliple critically acclaimed solo series. 

Moving on from green female characters they'd like to fuck to male green characters, Mazin and Goyer started discussing Martian Manhunter.  When asked how he would adapt Jonn Jonn'z for the big screen, Goyer responded "How many people in the audience have heard of Martian Manhunter?”  When the audience responded with cheers and raised their hands, he then asked "How many people that raised their hands have ever been laid?”

Finally, Goyer gave his take on the Martian Manhunters for fans.  Again, thanks to Alan Kistler for the transcription:

I would set it up like The Day After Tomorrow. We discover one of those Earth-like planets… So maybe like… we get the DNA code from that planet and then grow him in a petri dish here… He’s like in Area 51 or something and we’re just basically… doing biopsies on him. Then he gets out and he’s really angry and he fucks She-Hulk.

So, to summarize: only virgins know who the Martian Manhunter is, and She-Hulk (one of the Marvel Universe's most well-rounded female characters) is a giant green porn star made to fuck her cousin.  This is WB's star scriptwriter in charge of their superheroes, folks. 

It should be noted that Scriptnotes unexpectedly pulled the episode off their website this morning, so it can only be found on iTunes.  Maybe they realized that having Goyer yammer on about how one of DC's major superheroes would only be good for screwing a female Marvel character might be bad or something.  

 





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About the Author - ThanosCopter


ThanosCopter is a specially designed helicopter built to transport Thanos the Mad Titan. Built by Sterling Custom Helicopters, ThanosCopter appeared in several Marvel comics, before being abandoned by its owner during the character's ascension into major villainy. ThanosCopter was discovered by the Outhouse and given a second chance at life. He now buzzes merrily around the comic book industry, spreading snark, satire and humor like candy to small children.
 

 


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