Monday, April 23, 2018 • Morning Edition • "For when life fails you."

Tales of the Latter Day Apes 1: All Star Batman

Written by Robert Morris on Thursday, June 25 2009 and posted in Reviews

The Lord of the Monkeys reviews ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER, Vol 1!

Well, Children of Kong.... The Lord of the Monkeys here, with a new column.  TALES OF LATTER DAY APES is where I'll be putting my "Wait For Trades" policy to use!  Herein I'll be reviewing books from time to time that.... frankly, you may have already read them, since I'm reviewing the TPB! :)

And why start small?  The Lord of the Monkeys has chosen for the first installment of this column.... Frank Miller and Jim Lee's ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER, vol. 1.

I'll be honest.  I have both been looking forward to, and dreading, reading this book.  There were some nice surprises.  To wit, Batman is in fact NOT insane enough to kidnap a child for no reason.  He instead kidnaps him.... to save him from some bad Cops.  Ok, Oddly enough, I'm with you so far!

And there it goes.  That O so famous panel, nowadays.  "I'm the Goddamn Batman!"

Kong, that feels so.... ugh.

In fact, I'm not going to lie.  That's pretty much my feeling towards this entire book.  UGH.  Why is Black Canary an Irish immigrant with a motormouth, and a borderline psychotic love of violence, along with the MAJOR hots for Batman?  If you're going to make a new character, why not make a new character, one who might then actually TIE IN TO BATMAN.... I mean, why the hell is it Black Canary?  For Kong's sake, she might as well be Batwoman, since she has just as much, if not MORE, in common with THAT character.

Oh, hey, look.  Dick Grayson just cut a rat in half with a battleaxe.  That doesn't strike me as gratuitous.  Oh no.

You know, I could go on and on, but frankly, I'd like to forget this book.  There's only one thing I can possibly say for it, and it is this: Frank Miller has said that this is the early days of his "Dark Knight Returns" Batman, and this is obvious, even WITHOUT the Tank-Batmobile in the Cave being assembled. 

But is that a good thing?  Not in my opinion, because the Lord of the Monkeys is of the opinion that DKR ruined Batman for a very long time, and made him the single minded, obviously mostly insane man he has been for most of my lifetime. 

Come to think of it, no.  There's actually another thing I can say for the book.  It proves that David Willis' famous webcomic, SHORTPACKED, was wrong about Frank Miller.  There ARE in fact women in this story who aren't whores.  Black Canary is no whore.... but she is definitely crazy.  Batgirl isn't a whore.... but in context of this review, to be fair, she also hasn't done anything yet but pose.  Jim Gordon's wife isn't a whore.... but she is, by inferrence, a barely-functioning alcoholic.

And Vicki Vale.... well, she's so far been there just to show you in the first issue that this ain't your daddy's Batman, as she spends most of her dialogue time in the first issue in her underwear.  We get it.  Jim Lee can draw nearly naked women.  Congratulations, you've taught us what WildCATS did fifteen years ago.  Well done, you get a cookie!

Sweet Kong, I'm getting all worked up over this, but I can't help it.  I ACTUALLY feel insulted .  It's like, "BWahaha, Constant Reader! You will read this shit and like it!"

And I can't help but do it! DAMN YOU, COMICS! I hate you so much!!!!

(There there... Daddy didn't mean it.  He didn't mean to say that horrible thing.  Who loves you, comics?  You know who...)


You're still here?

Get the hell out of here, we're trying to have a moment!


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Robert Morris

Robert Morris has never met a monkey he didn't want to shake hands with.




More articles from Robert Morris
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!