Tuesday, July 7, 2015 • Evening Edition • "But first you're gonna blow me!"

Satire

Did you bother to look at the tags before assuming this crazy story was straight news?

Police Identify Suspect Stalking NJ Family Known as

Police Identify Suspect Stalking NJ Family Known as "The Watcher"

The first clue was that he signed his name to his threat.

Man in Coma Since 1999 Outraged by Double Take's $2.50 Price Point for Ultimate Night of the Living Dead Line

Man in Coma Since 1999 Outraged by Double Take's $2.50 Price Point for Ultimate Night of the Living Dead Line

The man can't believe comics have increased so much in price since he was last buying them.

REPORT: New Tenants Find Torture Room in DC's Old Offices

REPORT: New Tenants Find Torture Room in DC's Old Offices

Scenes of past horror were discovered in a secret chamber in DC's old New York headquarters.

REPORT: Woman Impregnated Just From Reading Savage Dragon Comic

REPORT: Woman Impregnated Just From Reading Savage Dragon Comic

The titular superhero is just so virile and manly that simply reading a book starring him can now result in pregnancy.

REPORT: Man Injured Trying to

REPORT: Man Injured Trying to "Jump On" Comic at Issue Not Designated as Official "Jumping On Point"

The tragedy should serve as a lesson to us all when it comes to trying to "jump on" to comics without checking whether or not the comic is a "good jumping on point."

Top Five Reasons All-New All-Different Marvel NOW! is *NOT* a Reboot

Top Five Reasons All-New All-Different Marvel NOW! is *NOT* a Reboot

We break it down and prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that Marvel is not rebooting its universe.

Marvel Staff in Revolt as Dan Slott Eats All Fruit in Office

Marvel Staff in Revolt as Dan Slott Eats All Fruit in Office

The "Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows" writer has claimed ownership of all fruit in the building after being given permission to write about a married Spider-Man.

DC Comics Split-Page Twix Ad Already Wildly Successful Thanks to Internet Outrage

DC Comics Split-Page Twix Ad Already Wildly Successful Thanks to Internet Outrage

The split-page ad may be the most lucrative revenue source for comics since the speculator boom of the 90s.

Warner Bros To Just Livestream Rest of Suicide Squad Filming

Warner Bros To Just Livestream Rest of Suicide Squad Filming

It will be more efficient than having hundreds of set photos hit the net every day.

Man Will Not Watch Third Season of Popular Show After Trailer Reveals Characters Will Be

Man Will Not Watch Third Season of Popular Show After Trailer Reveals Characters Will Be "Outside the Dome"

The new season of Under the Dome debuts next month, but a massive change may be in store for the series!

REPORT: Everyone Feels Really Uncomfortable Talking to Batman on Day After Mother's Day

REPORT: Everyone Feels Really Uncomfortable Talking to Batman on Day After Mother's Day

Reports from all over Gotham City indicate that nobody wants to deal with an emotional Batman.


Free Comic Book Day 2015: An Abysmal Failure We Should All Be Ashamed Of

Free Comic Book Day 2015: An Abysmal Failure We Should All Be Ashamed Of

As fans around the world enjoy free comics, it's important to reflect on the origins of this day and how we've failed to honor them.

Black Widow Gets Called

Black Widow Gets Called "Slut" By Captain America and Hawkeye, Widow Hanging Out With Daredevil Now

In an interview with Digital Spy, Captain America and Hawkeye referred to Black Widow as a "slut" and "whore."

EXCLUSIVE: First Trailer for Baz Luhrmann's Epic Recut: #Gamergate Romeo + #SJW Juliet

EXCLUSIVE: First Trailer for Baz Luhrmann's Epic Recut: #Gamergate Romeo + #SJW Juliet

The greatest love story of all time meets the greatest rivalry of our era.

Due to Editorial Interference, DC Editor in Chief Ends Up in Burma, Not Burbank

Due to Editorial Interference, DC Editor in Chief Ends Up in Burma, Not Burbank

Bob Harras made some last minute changes to his itinerary after leaving DC's offices on Friday.

Report: Iran Nuclear Deal Hinges on Secret Wars Outcome

Report: Iran Nuclear Deal Hinges on Secret Wars Outcome

For once, Marvel's super-mega-crossover event may actually be UNDER-hyped!

Outhouse Announces New Editor in Chief: Heidi MacDonald

Outhouse Announces New Editor in Chief: Heidi MacDonald

First order of business: making sure the site doesn't engage in any stupid April Fools pranks, such as fake-announcing new editors in chief.

United States Fighting ISIS By Airdropping Comics Into Syria

United States Fighting ISIS By Airdropping Comics Into Syria

How will Marvel and DC help fight the war on terrorism?!

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